Saturday, December 1, 2012

Photo Card

Faith Forever Christmas
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Photo Card

Faith Forever Christmas
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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Life moves on....and on....

I always have such good intentions to get on here and type up what my feelings and thoughts are.  Somehow it's always bad timing.  Usually when I am in bed and on my phone and it's hard to type a whole lot on there.  
I can't even remember the things that I though, man, I ought to blog about that!  We have had a few good things happen. And a few bad.
We went on vacation to Universal Studios and Alayna and Scott ran in the Tower of Terror 5K in Disney.  Loved Universal.  It was so amazing to be in the shadows of Hogwarts and Hogsmede!!!  I expected Harry Potter to walk around the corner at any moment!! 

It was a great experience, although one that needed a vacation after the vacation!  It was going all day, walking 10 miles type thing.  (Although I took a pedometer but didn't use it.. go figure.  I do know that even standing in lines for the Halloween events was a killer *ha ha pun intended* on my back, feet and legs!) The trip down was nice.  We stopped for a night in Myrtle Beach and it was so relaxing.  Slept with the balcony doors open and went to sleep to the sound of the ocean waves.  

Doesn't sound like a big deal because we live next to the ocean, but we can't fall asleep to the sound of the waves like we did that night.  The water was warm, we had a great night.  The trip back, not so much--drove like 14 hours.  So it was just a painful trip home.  
But good memories...lots of fun times while we were there.  We stayed at the Shades of Green down at Disney--which was awesome and convenient and close to everything...not to mention cheap!! :)

We started our fall semester at Christian Military Homeschoolers.  I am so blessed to have the people that join us weekly to share their talents and children share our journey in homeschooling. I can't say enough good about how I feel when I see everyone pull together to make the days work out each week.  It has truly helped me to be stronger and get through some tough times when I just think I can't take it anymore.  I am also reminded of the reasons why we started homeschooling when I take my daughter to events that are surrounded by children who attend public school.  No, they are not all bad or have behaviors that I don't want my child immersed in, but recently I was struck by the differences.  We went to a Halloween dance at our local youth center.  Most of the kids there were Alayna's age or younger.  We were sitting there eating some snacks and a boy younger than Alayna sitting with kids younger than him said, "I told the bus driver to shut the f*&^ up!"  I looked over at him and he smiled and said, "Sorry."  And the young girl (probably about 7?) said, "You're not allowed to say that word." 
Our co-op has kids from ages a few months to 16 years old.  Not once have I heard any words that would make me cringe from them.  Are they perfect?  No, heck no!  Neither are we, right?!  But they are good kids, with good parents who I feel if there is a problem we can talk about it and work it out. It never gets to the point of angry words and harsh words.  And I love that.  So on those days when I want to pull my hair out because I don't understand why when you subtract a negative it's a positive---this reminds me of the reasons to stay strong... 

Yea really, quit asking!!  


Another sad event is the loss of our Smooth Northern Green Snake, George.  I was feeding him and Romeo, our anole lizard, on a Saturday.  Had put the crickets in and George was slithering around the cage, I went to shut the door on the front and he had been trying to sneak out through the small slit on the side of the door and I didn't see him.  I squished his head before I knew I had done anything---not completely, but he was just a small snake--about as round as a pencil, so the force was harmful to him.  I was broken, and my heart still hurts when I think about it.  I've never felt so devastated in my life.  To know that I harmed a living being, was horrid.  I cannot describe the feeling.  George had been with us for 3 years.  Pappy and Alayna found him in the woods in PA and by the time I realized that it was not legal to keep him (because they are protected) he was already used to getting fed by black cricket holder and I was afraid to release him.  He was a good snake.  Always looked like he was smiling.  Never tried to bite anyone (Other than the one time he bit Romeo's tail at feeding time, but he was getting ready to shed so his eyes were cloudy and he couldn't see well.)  He only ate insects...is the only type of snake in Northern America that only eats insects...and he was beautiful.  Whether you like snakes or don't...they are amazing creatures.  And without them the Earth would be over run with rodents and things worse than snakes. 
If you could ever say you loved a snake, I loved George.  He was an amazing creature and I feel blessed to have shared his life for a short time....and my heart hurts that I hurt him :(

The vet visit included treatment for shock and some medication to decrease swelling.  But he didn't make it through the night.  They called us around 2:30am and told us he had passed away.  He is buried in his coconut he loved to be in beside Juliet. (our other anole we lost this Summer).

So that's what happened here recently.  I know there is more... but thoughts get scattered.  Let's see.
Scott was on orders to go to Korea, but they got things straightened out and they got deleted.  (He was never suppose to come up on orders in the first place because he had a form signed before he got his braces on and plans for jaw surgery here in the near future that command would keep him here for at least the 2 year treatment time.)  So that was a little worrisome at during the time that they were on his update.  


So, things have been going so so with my fibromylagia.  It's frustrating because I am so tired of hurting all the time.  TIRED
Some days are worse than others, of course.  It gets frustrating because lately it seems to be more of an issue with my thought processes.  So I get mixed up, or can't say words the way I want them.  It's frustrating to know what I want to say but can't quite get it out, or forget right before I say it.  
I know my friends and most family understand and that is the important part.   So I will just keep going day by day getting through each as I can.  I am blessed to have some amazing friends, family and a wonderful husband to help.  Even if I don't always seem like I appreciate it, I do!!

I will leave on one note--about the election.  My support remains with Ron Paul and the Revolution.  He is an amazing man, smart, honest and one I would stand beside until the end.  Both Romney and Obama have their faults and I am honestly confused why so many thing Obama has been so good for us after all he has done to take away our liberties and freedoms....So I fear for our future....my child's future....our nation as a whole..All it is anymore is a circus.  And we are like the elephants in chains being whipped. But whatever.   I want to be part of the 3%--do you??  
Are you a Three Percenter??
 And to end on a lighter note... for any of you women out there who deal with this on a monthly or nonregular basis---yea, this is so me. 


So for now, that's all I got.  I hope this finds you in good spirits with a happy heart <3 

“You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my place of safety. In his unfailing love, my God will come and help me. He will let me look down in triumph on all my enemies.” (Ps 59:9-10)

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Release, Relief and Relationships

Many things have happened in the past few weeks.  More emotional turmoil of course, always seems to be drama when dealing with military wives.  I haven't quite figured that out yet, because you would think since we all have a common bond that it would be more supportive than it is.  Anyway!  
I recently had another person 'unfriend' me on facebook.  There was no reason really, it was someone who I thought was a friend, someone who I had helped out, someone who had helped me out with clothes and baby items for my granddaughter, Willow. I never had an argument with this person, never a harsh word, never knew anything I did bothered her because she never said anything.  So when I posted this photo: 
 I was deleted by her.  I messaged her what I did to deserve to be deleted and she said that she was tired of dealing with my drama and my feel sorry for myself attitude.  After some time in another conversation through messaging she said that I am too pushy and she doesn't have the energy to be my friend.  I suppose I try too hard sometimes to be people's friend.  The only time I can remember being pushy is one day she had posted on facebook she was having a bad day and didn't want to do anything or see anyone.  So I pushed the fact to bring her some food, just dropping it off at her doorstep never even having to see me.  Other than that I really didn't think I was being pushy.  She is going through a deployment and I know she was having a hard time so I tried to help.  That was my reasoning behind what I was doing.  But instead of telling me that wasn't something she could handle and giving me a chance to not try so hard, she just threw our friendship away.  Said we didn't have anything in common and she didn't have the energy to be my friend.  
How do you deal with something like that?  I mean it makes me feel badly that good intentions were only met with frustration, only I didn't even know it.  
So, do I change how I am because someone did not appreciate how I am?  Or do I let my heart continue to lead my path?  
I have suffered through this trying to figure it out.  And have had some really good friends point out that they happen to like my heart the way it is.  That being kind and caring about people, even sometimes being misunderstood, is better than being the type of person to not care about those around you, the world, things going on that you maybe can do even a little about.  

So I will go on being kind, and giving and caring.  Because if I didn't it wouldn't be me.  I know I'm not perfect, heck, no one is.  But all I can do is be myself, and those who appreciate me for who I am and want to be in my life, will be.  And I'll know that they want to be there.  Those that walk away were just lessons. Hard, hurtful lessons, but lessons just the same.  

Also, this past week something wonderful happened.  I got my letter in the mail for approval for my disability.  Almost 3 years and many denials leading to the hearing stage, the wait is over.  It felt like a huge relief off of my shoulders.  I immediately started crying and when I called my husband he asked why are you crying, this is good news!  It was, it was good news, but it was just an emotional release.  I know I don't look like anything is wrong with me, but the disability was approved for my fibromylagia (constant 24/7 pain), depression, anxiety and arthritis. So this means that we will  have the ability for me to try some other therapies that aren't covered by insurance and not worry about not having enough money to pay the bills.  It also will allow us to save money in order to plan for our future and also Alayna's.  I couldn't have done it without the help of Allsup.  They helped me through every step of the way and sent someone to be with me at my hearing.  I truly believe that had it not been for their assistance I wouldn't have received the approval.  If you or anyone you know need help applying for disability I highly recommend them, and if you don't mind mentioning I sent you their way I would appreciate that also.  They only get a fee if you win back payment and then it is capped at a certain amount so it's not outrageous.  
It's hard dealing with being in pain all the time.  And I know it has caused me to sometimes be a person I really don't want to be.  
I know I'm grumpy sometimes for no apparent reason, I don't like doing things as much I used to, it's caused strain on my relationships with my family and friends, and as you can see in the first part of this writing, I've even lost friends because of it. I try hard not to feel sorry for myself.  It's difficult sometimes because it's daunting the task of living another 40 years dealing with this.  I know others have it worse and I do not forget that ever, but it doesn't make my pain less.  Perhaps I am not as strong inside as they are to be so stoic in dealing with the pain. 
I had a discussion with my husband the other day, that it's not really fair to him to have to deal with this all the time.  I do not feel like a good wife, or a good mother, or just even a good person sometimes.  And I feel he deserves better.  He says no, that he just wants me, that yes, it may sound like a movie, but that I complete him and make him a better person.  That we will make it through this together.  

So that is where we are at right now.  Muddling through me not feeling so well about life, and him loving me anyway.  So I'll keep on trying to get through things...and find out who my true friends and the ones who really love me, just as I am....
Which reminds me of this: 

Which leave me at a good spot to leave for tonight... my brain is a bit foggy and and I need some rest... <3

Friday, June 15, 2012

Trips home and dancing with Daddy (or playing football)

So Alayna and I went home to PA for about 10 days.  I got to see my new baby granddaughter, W and her Mom, C along with C's other two children A & K.  It was an enjoyable and I loved seeing and holding that precious baby.  Besides it was nice to just get away from the drama of this place for a moment. 
Sometimes things happen and make you realize just how lucky you are to have the people in your life that you do.  Just something as kind as giving someone some candies and making their day makes you realize that to have had those people in your life all your life you were truly very lucky. 
My dad has always taken care of my vehicles, pretty much--even if my husbands knew about cars, he just always checked things out.  He changed my winter tires back to the regular tires on the van while I was home.  The tires were ok, but not great... He took them and got all new tires on the van because it was suppose to rain on our way back home to VA and he was worried it would be unsafe.  We had planned on getting tires in a few months when we had saved up enough to do so--but now we don't have to worry. 
It's always been like that.  My parents have been there for me for as long as I can remember.  Whether it was some money to go skating, or go to a dance, a car to get back and forth to school, paying for school, being there when my life was falling apart and helping me pack and pick up the pieces.

 So on this Father's Day weekend I just wanted to say how much I appreciated both of my parents through all my life...realizing more so in later years, because as we all know when we are young we know everything and the parents know nothing. 
That would be how I would rate my parents... and I only wish everyone were so lucky.  I hope that I can be as good to my daughter as they have been to me. 

Now I watch my husband be a father to our daughter.  Today he listened to her book report and went and played football with her outside for a while after dinner.  Little things but it means so much to her.  Ever see the movie Courageous?  Yea, you have to dance with them when they ask so there are no regrets.

I'm lucky to have both of them in my life.  Do they drive me crazy sometimes--of course, wouldn't be human if we just got along all the time and did all the same things and thought all the same things.  But I love them both and would never want to be without them. 

I'm doing ok--so very tired of hurting all the time.  It never gets any better, only worse and then back to the 'normal' level of pain.  I'm still waiting on my verdict on my appeal for social security disability.  All those years I took care of others I never thought I would be in this position.  Doing things like shopping and errands just wears me out.  The trip to PA and back set me back days. 

So this blog is sort of boring... guess I just don't want to think about the non-boring stuff right now.  There is some, but I'll save it for another day.  Happy Father's day to all the Father's out there..
Especially my DAD and my HUSBAND <3

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

50 shades of Storm?

Just bored and needed something to do!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
10:00am

2. How do you like your steak?
 Well done

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Battleship or Avengers, I can't remember which one came first--both were awesome! Of course Battleship was better because I got to look at Alexander Skarsgard <3





4. What are your favorite TV shows?
I probably watch way too much tv--but my four favorites would have to be:


True Blood
The Walking Dead

Game of Thrones

Shameless



5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Wouldn't be in this world--because people have sort of screwed it up already.  I want to go to a world where there is love and peace and that is the normal. 

6. What did you have for breakfast?
A piece of Ems sub

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

Seafood

 8. What foods do you dislike?
 ONIONS 
  
9. Favorite Place to Eat?
Captain George's Seafood Buffet

10. Favorite dressing?
Ranch dressing from a Spaghetti place in San Diego, CA

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Dodge Grand Caravan
  
12. What are your favorite clothes?
Sweats and tshirt--no tags

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Ireland, England, Switzerland, Australia and Alaska!

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
 Thankful I have either

15. Where would you want to retire?
Somewhere peaceful, safe and beautiful.  Maybe like this?
Lindy Point - Blackwater Falls State Park - West Virginia
 Even here would be good--I have grown to love the beach and all that has to offer--as long as the crowds are somewhere else <3
Fort Story, VA 



16. Favorite time of day?
Don't really have one.

17. Where were you born?
Johnstown, PA

  
18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Hockey

19. Who do you think will not answer these silly questions?
who knows....

20. Person you expect to always be there for you?
Scott, my parents

21. What is your favorite song right now?


Joshua Radin "Winter"

22. Bird watcher?
I like to watch them, yes, but not technically an official watcher.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night I guess, only because I can't sleep because I hurt all the time so mornings are hard for me.

24. Do you have any pets?
 Yes, two dogs--Bella a chihuahua and Glory a golden retriever, a smooth northern green snake named George, and anole name Romeo (sadly Juliet died :( ) and we just got a kitten--who hasn't had an official name yet!  
George and Romeo
Glory

Bella


25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
New?  Well--we got a new kitten. 

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Nurse
  
27. What is your best childhood memory?
Making Sundays with my Grandparents when I stayed overnight with them.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
I am an animal person period.

29. Are you in a relationship?
Yes, married.  This is my 3rd marriage--bet you didn't know that unless you know me really well.  We have been together for 13 years.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
 Of course, especially with the whacko drivers in VA

 31. Been in a car accident?
Yep, one back in 1990 and was not my fault.

 32. Any pet peeves?
Yes, I hate when people claim to be something that their actions prove that they are not.  I also hate when you do your best to be a friend to someone but it all seems one sided.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
 Light sauce, cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms and green peppers.

34. Favorite Flower?
Yellow roses or purple roses. Hydrangeas

35. Favorite ice cream?
Chocolate marshmallow--Gallikers.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fil A
  
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once--I rolled through the stop sign the first time.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
My mom.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
None.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Stopped in Front Royal and walked around the town on the trip home to PA

41. Like your job?
I love being a Mom, sometimes I don't think I do too good of a job, especially lately.  It's difficult to be patient and kind and loving when you are hurting all the time. 

But she makes it all worth while... and it's part of what keeps me going.



42. Broccoli?
No thanks.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
Disney--after Scott got back from Iraq.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
My Mom and Alayna
  
45. What are you listening to right now?
Trick of the Moonlight by Gareth Dunlop


46. What is your favorite color?

purple


47. How many tattoos do you have?
Technically I guess it is 4 but really one--all done in one sitting and my first and only one.  





48.Who is your favorite author?
Terry Brooks, Karin Slaughter, Janet Evanovich, Stephanie Meyer, Suzanne Collins, Alex Kava, and many more...

49. What was the worst mistake you ever made?
I got lost in 2008--I'm so glad Scott stood by me and loves me like he does---he helped save me from myself.

 50. What would be your best advice to anyone?