Cards and stuff and frustration....

Sometimes I feel like a failure.  Certain days are worse than others, but today is one of those particularly bad days.  I get so frustrated with our 'stuff' in the house and my lack of organizational skills I'm ready to pull my hair out. 
It is better than it used to be--but I still am not very good at finding places for the things that we decide are important enough to keep.
Like cards--what do YOU do with them all?  Birthday, Valentine, Anniversary, Mother's day, Father's Day, Halloween---I can't bring myself to throw them away because well, someone paid good money for them, they have a good sentiment in them.  Plus, looking back on the people in my life that I have lost (like my Gram & Pap Uhl and Gram Stormer) it is a touching moment when you look back on what they wrote so long ago...
But seriously--I will never have that 'house' that is beautiful and looks like it was decorated by a professional.  Way back in 1992 before kids and stuff and in my first home--everything had a spot, then you accumulate...ugh.
I always say that my house isn't dirty (really it isn't--dusty maybe, cluttered--yes, but not dirty) just cluttered but it still makes me feel weird if someone is coming to visit.  I promised myself though when we moved here I wouldn't let that bother me to the point where I wouldn't have friends over or invite people inside...so I do---I should more I guess. 
So--what does this mean?  It means if you come to my house plan on meeting our dogs, and our clutter...and I guess if people like the person that you are, they will accept you as you are, right? 

It doesn't help that doing things like bending and sitting on the floor to go through things to GET organized only makes my pain worse.  I know that prevents me from doing everything I would really like to.  Not to mention the lack of focus in my head, so I go from one spot to the other, to the other, never getting anything completed.  Sound familiar?

Oh well, we will muddle through and get by I guess.

I tried looking around to find a new doctor today.  One that can follow me and perhaps find some sort of continuity with my care instead of going to a different doctor each time.  It is sort of like rolling the roulette wheel hoping you get the right color.  Because you just never really know until you go... and in order to go I have to switch to Tricare Standard to pick my own doctor, which is a little scary to tell the truth.  So wish me luck on that task!

I hope I can be strong--I'm trying to be.  Trying to get to a point where I just know that the pain is going to be there and deal with it...because I guess eventually that is what I am going to do.  Either that--or drown.

So that's it for now... going to go watch Survivor and then go to bed.... hope everyone is having a good night.